What generates feelings of abandonment?
According to Penny Baker, LPC-S, it is natural for all of us to avoid painful emotions. “No one wants to feel them, and we do some pretty fancy manipulation of our thinking to avoid them,” Baker explained. She is the Director of Clinical Services at Elk River Treatment Program and supervises other counselors who are working toward advancing their licensure.
“Pain and loss hurts, and like hunger tells us it’s time to eat, painful feelings tell us it’s time to do something with them. Children don’t always have the tools to do that,” Baker said.
For example, it is normal for a child to be confused, sad, and anxious when his parents go through a divorce. Tracing back before the divorce, it is likely the child felt alone and out of control if his parents were arguing excessively. When parents argue, a child experiences a loss of the parents’ availability, and the stress generated is negatively affecting the child outside of his responsibility and control.
If a child is not dealing with these feelings directly and his parents are unavailable to support them because of their own marital problems, the child may express these feelings by acting out in anger, withdrawing, or other unhealthy behaviors. The behavior is child’s way of communicating to adults that something is wrong, and he doesn’t know what to do about it.
Through traditional talk therapy and group therapy throughout the day, clients at Elk River have the opportunity to experience similar stressors that occur in their home environment. Elk River’s support staff is carefully recruited and trained to work with adolescents and teens ages 12 – 18. Clients are supervised around-the-clock.
Should a teaching moment present itself, clients can stop in the moment with the supervision of a group leader, circle up with their group, and identify what they’re feeling. Once identified, they can start to peel back the layers and uncover where that emotional pain might be coming from. Teens can process these discoveries with experienced counselors and their group in real time, rather than wait for the formal therapy session.
The last stage in this process is finding positive coping skills to replace maladaptive behaviors.
Weekly parent workshops are held to help parents understand the process and work through their own issues while their child is in residential treatment.